This is the most challenging piece I've ever attempted, and it's still evolving. The version presented here, a video essay, grew from a 12-minute narrative performed as part of a family storytelling performance panel at the 2021 National Communication Association convention. The conversation following that performance led me to read more, expand the piece, and perform a 35-minute version at my home university in March 2022, drawing from auto/ethnographic and archival methods. That performance generated a wide range of feedback, ongoing conversation, lots of reflection, and more revision.
I am comfortable writing and performing live solo (auto)ethnographic pieces, all of which require immersing myself in the voices and perspectives of people other than myself, as well as to reveal aspects of, and speak as, my own self. While of course my experience and perspective drive these solo pieces, I don't consider myself the primary subject of them. I tend towards exploration of others' voices and perspectives more than my own, and I value as central to the performance experience the use of my body and voice as a conduit through which others related to me can speak. This very juxtaposition of voices matters aesthetically and rhetorically. After the March 2022 performance, however, discussion with a range of audience members, as well as exploring how the piece could be created for a digital multimodal space for a variety of audiences at this moment in time, resulted in me turning more direct attention to myself as a subject of the piece, acknowledging why this may matter for audience engagement. I'm not wholly comfortable with it yet, but it's part of the evolution.
This video essay explores ways to recognize and uplift live performance-in-progress in a digital space, how to bring self and other together in meaningful new ways in a digital space, and how to weave a personal family narrative into a current social-cultural reality within a profoundly complex and centuries-long set of problems. There's a long way to go, but I hope this is a constructive beginning.
My thanks to friends, family, and colleagues Irene Awino, Alex Barnett, Susan Barnett, Nancy Boykin, Maurice Hall, Joshua Hamzahee, Michael LeVan, Caleb Lucky, Sam Morrison, Seth Rozin, Evan Schares, Deanna Shoemaker, and Emory Woodard for generous and constructive conversations throughout the development of this work. And special extra thanks to Tania Romero for unfailing patience, insight, and openness to addressing difficult questions in the filming and editing of this video essay.
» Heidi M. Rose is professor of Performance Studies and Chair of the Department of Communication at Villanova University. Her teaching and scholarship focus on auto/ethnographic and poetic methods exploring intersections of performance, culture and identity. Her co-edited book, Signing the Body Poetic: Essays in American Sign Language Literature, is the first-ever bilingual and bicultural book/video on ASL literary theory and criticism. She has performed her solo performance trilogy, Mirror Image, Good Enough, and Twin, across the US, and is past Editor-in-Chief of Text and Performance Quarterly.
